people who create signs with bad grammar
There is this furniture store near our house that has perennially bad signs. Most of them having to do with recliners.
Their front billboard sign reads, at this very moment:
Extremely Huge
Recliner
Sale
Which is causing an enormous desire to go in and ask to see their extremely huge recliners. I mean, $199 is a pretty damn good deal for an extremely huge recliner. I might want to get one.
But I'm sure they don't have any extremely huge recliners. I want to sue them for false advertising.
They also had a sign that said "Outrageous Recliner Sale." Which, frankly, that's the only kind of recliner I would really want. Aside from an extremely huge one, that is.
Alas, no outrageous recliners either...
posted by misanthropster @ 10:44 PM
8 Comments:
Who knows? They may indeed have extremely huge recliners. Did you check? They may have them in that mysterious and wonderful place known as "the back."
I'm sure you are familiar with "the back." It's that magical place that contains anything and everything a customer could want. I'm sure that when you don't have the precise product a customer requires, they inquired about this ethereal wonderland.
Excuse me, miss? I don't see any moss covered three handled family credenzas on your sales floor. Do you have any in "the back?"
But we sales associates know the disappointing truth about the back. It's a cavernous space just out of their reach, full of broken dreams and the echo "You didn't find any...?"
ah, yet another person who has worked in the wonders of retail... :)
Or food service. Like when I was working at the ice cream shop. Big signs everywhere that said "IF IT'S NOT IN THE CASE, WE DON'T HAVE ANY" and inevitably, at least once a day (usually more) we'd have somebody go "Um, I don't see any of your coffe caramel crunch ice cream in the case... do you have any in the back?"
sigh. "No, sir, we don't have any in the back."
and my favorite response to that:
"Well, would you mind going to go check?"
Yes, as a matter of fact, I would. Because you know what? You can't read fucking signs. And even if we did have any in the back, it would take a full 24 hours to defrost it enough so that you, you stupid asshole, could actually eat some, because we freeze the shit so hard, you can't even chip away at it with a goddamn ice pick.
AARGH.
wow. And it's been, like, 12 years since I worked there... a little repressed rage?
I always wanted to start a mythic horror story about the back.
CUSTOMER: "Excuse me, I don't see any gazebos out here. Do you have any in the back?"
EMPLOYEE: "I'm sorry, but we don't go back there anymore. If it's not on the sales floor, we don't have any."
CUSTOMER: "Well, would you mind checking?"
EMPLOYEE: "I'm sorry sir, I can't."
(EMPLOYEE PULLS IN CLOSER TO CUSTOMER, EYES SCANNING THE SALES FLOOR, MAKING SURE THEY WILL NOT BE OVERHEARD)
EMPLOYEE: (whispering) "None of us have gone back there since Tommy. We think THEY got him. He's been gone for a week!"
(EMPLOYEE RUNS OFF, SOBBING)
yeah, you definitely need to write that. I got a good giggle from that one. :)
Well as soon as they get some outrageously huge recliners in stock, I'm driving down to get one.
I'll let you know. Hee hee...
oh, and I forgot to tell y'all. Their latest sign says:
No Interest
Extremely Huge
Recliner
Sale
sigh.
Well, seriously, how can they expect us to care about a "no interest" recliner, even if it is extremely huge?
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