Misanthropster: An Army of One

Those I revile today are...

25 June, 2006

cats who leave dead things on the living room floor

This means you, Jerome. Yeah, you. And, I'm blowing your anonymity on the web.

So during the summer, my lovely 24-pounder all muscle bruiser cat, Jerome, loooooooooooves to bring things that are alive into the house and kill them on the living room floor.

Right in the path of where I walk first thing in the morning. He's psychic, I swear. Doesn't matter where it is, I will step on it when I first get up.

Usually he just leaves some of the entrails for me to squish underfoot. Which, you know, is FUCKING NASTY.

But today, a special gift. He left me the whole thing.

So... walk walk walk, ouch! What the hell was that? Goddamn baby toys... I reach down, bleary eyed to grab it and realize that it is a mole, in full on rigor mortis, right underneath my goddamn foot.

Much screaming and hopping up and down commenced. Bleh.

Last night, this same damn cat brought in a live chipmunk and stashed it behind the garbage can. My husband moved the can during dinner and the chipmunk goes a little crazy and starts running in circles around the kitchen, eventually into the basement (chipmunks can jump like motherfuckers, in case you didn't know) where our stalwart dinner guest managed to herd the thing out of the back door.

Jerome sat there with a sour expression on his face like "Hey, I was saving that for later!"

My husband interpreted it as "Ethan! Wherever you may go... I will find you... don't give up!"

Because apparently, aside from killing the local fauna, Jerome has also been making friends with it. He found Jerome sunning himself on the back steps with a mole the other day. Mole was still alive. Ugh.

This isn't as bad as the most disgusting thing Jerome ever did... I won't go into detail, but suffice to say, he left me a half of a very large rabbit (of course, right where I walk in the morning) as a gift. I had to play the girl card and get my ex-roommate to take care of the problem.

I must say, we don't have much of a mouse, raccoon, possum, mole, chipmunk, squirrel or bird problem with this guy around. (yes, he has taken on raccoons and possums. Frighteningly enough, he has also won...) He also took on a human once that was threatening his cat friend... that was funny. Went right for that asshole's face...

Super cute snuggliness to those he loves... instant orange death to those he doesn't.

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