people who are argumentative for no good reason

Buckle up folks, this may be a looooooong one.

Ok. So. People who are argumentative for no good reason. Like, for instance, this customer at work today. She walks up, announces that sunscreen causes cancer in a loud tone of voice in front of a ton of other customers. Then she proceeds to argue with me about everything. Had I said the sky was blue, she would have argued that it was green. Had I said my hair was brown, she would have argued it was blonde.

I had another one the other day that started spouting off such nonsense that I couldn't bite my tongue any longer, so I mentioned that part of what she was talking about hadn't been exactly approved by the FDA yet. She said back to me in a very snotty voice that "My plastic surgeon said in his newsletter that it WAS and that it is way better than anything you could sell to me."

My reply "Well, then I guess I can't help you. I think you need to go see your plastic surgeon."

Yes, folks, working in retail will either cause you to hate everybody, or to drink heavily. Or both. Maybe even at the same time.

Other people who argue for no good reason:

1. My mother. When she gets in one of her moods, there's no telling her anything. One time, just for the hell of it, she accused me of being a coke-addicted prostitute mobster's moll. Apparently, dating an Italian automatically makes me a drug whore. Oh, and makes my (thankfully now ex) boyfriend a mobster. Because you know all Italians are connected to the Mafia.
I couldn't say ANYTHING that would change her mind on that one.

2. Crotchety old people. I think they're bored. Or something. Because obviously you couldn't know as much as they do even though you might have a PhD in nuclear physics. They're 85 years old and by gummy, they know more about nuclear physics that you ever will, you young whippersnapper. Mind you, this is not all old people... My husband says that there is a myth that all old people are nice, but that realistically speaking, the nice ones probably died younger. Only the good die young and all that.

3. My ex-roommate. Boy, if you started a discussion with him, he would start pulling statistics out of his ass left and right. Although I think his type of arguing deserves a whole post of its own. "People who pull statistics out of their asses"

4. Academics. Specifically liberal arts academics. My husband being one of them, he is the person that raised this group of assholes to my attention. Not because he is one, mind you, but because I get to listen to his stories of namby pamby PhDs who love to engage in "victimization trumping." Which is "Yeah, well I was more discriminated against because I'm a gay black Jewish quadruple amputee with halitosis and a deep appreciation of Bronte." "Oh yeah? I'm more discriminated against because I'm a heterosexual Hispanic Muslim with asthma, and that's not as visible as the amputations." "Oh yeah? Well, I'm a heterosexual, white, middle-class male who is not allowed to discuss a wide variety of topics because other heterosexual, white, middle-class males acted in a barbaric way a long time ago." Wait, that last one doesn't work, I guess.

ok. I'm done now...