people who insist on shouting on the subway

Thank you for including the rest of us in your conversation. I'm thrilled to know about your pursuit of pussy, your attainment of said pussy, your love of pussy, your total disrespect for pussy, your dreams about pussy, and your buddy's exploits regarding (you guessed it) pussy.

But mostly, I'm just glad you actually know a word that consists of more than two syllables.

people who bitch at me for bitching about NYC

This is a pre-emptive rant. I'm sure somebody will start bitching at me for this soon.

Yes, thank you, I did choose to move to New York City.

I love it here. I have such a diverse collection of things to bitch about now. As opposed to Christiansburg, VA, where I was bitching about rednecks. And hillbillys. And, um... that's about it.

people who mistake leggings for actual pants

They're not. Really.

And it doesn't matter how skinny you are. I can still see your ass through the back.

This goes for men, too.

Furthermore, if you insist on wearing leggings as actual pants, please do so to go out at night, not during the workday.

I really don't want to be looking at your "whoa there, cougar" camel toe, or your purple starfish during the day.

Nor do I want to see your stretchmarks THROUGH YOUR PANTS.

And don't give me that bullshit that "they're comfortable."

SACRIFICE SOMETHING FOR YOUR FELLOW HUMANS! Cover your ass!

people who don't wear bras (this one's for the ladies)

I get that it's summer.

If you're a tourist, I get that you're on vacation.

If you're a native, I get that you think you can get away with it because you think your breasts are small.

I know that it gets rather warm in the city. I live here.

I don't even know where to begin.

1. If you're a tourist, your mind may be on vacation, but, honey, I hate to tell you this, but your boobs aren't.

2. If you're a native, really. There isn't a single female over the age of 15 who shouldn't be, AT THE VERY LEAST, wearing some sort of bra. And if you really can't stand wearing them, and you really really are flat chested, buy some GODDAMNED pasties (Ricky's has them, for $4.99/2) and cover up those headlights. I've been traumatized by so many nipples I shouldn't have seen...

people who claim New Yorkers are rude

This just gets my goat.

We've got HORDES of tourists pouring into the city, forcing the continued existence of that wasteful wonderland Times Square, taking up all the space on the sidewalks, and managing to be directly in the path of where I (and every other resident of the city too) need to go, taking an inordinate amount of time to make a goddamned decision, and when I politely say "excuse me" so that I can get by, I hear "God. New Yorkers are like, so RUDE."

No, honey, really, it's not New Yorkers who are rude. It's the rest of the world.

people who are pushy

(can you tell I'm harboring a bit of pent up rage today?)

I think I may have mentioned in an earlier (five minutes ago) post that I live in a city with more than eight million people.

You, sir, who shoved me out of the way to get to the subway turnstile first, and you, ma'am, who cut in line at the grocery store in front of my husband...

Do you think that MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYBE, you're not the only person in the whole entire city who has somewhere they need to be in a hurry?

Maybe? Just a little bit?

Nah, of course not.

You're MUCH more important than I am.

Please excuse my impertinence. I don't know what I was thinking.

people who have tunnel vision

Ok. I see you standing at the corner of Wall Street and Broadway reading your map, blocking all the pedestrians who are desperately trying to get to the subway fast so that we can eke out an extra five minutes with our loved ones after an hour-long train ride.

It's allright. I've gotten used to the tourists who have no concept of how much fucking space they occupy.

Anyway, I see you at the corner of Wall and Broadway, with your face buried in your map. And I hear you say "Trinity Church HAS to be around here somewhere. This map says it's at the corner of Broadway and Wall Street."

Which, honestly, you MIGHT SEE IF YOU FUCKING TOOK YOUR NOSE OUT OF YOUR MAP THAT YOU'RE STANDING ON THE FUCKING FRONT STEPS OF THE CHURCH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

people who are really large who walk without looking where they are going

Ouch. That fucking hurt.

An "oh, excuse me"

or an "I'm sorry"

WOULD BE FUCKING NICE ONCE IN A BLUE MOON.

people who walk without looking where they're going

Christ Jesus, we live in a city with more than eight million inhabitants.

EIGHT MILLION

The sidewalks of Manhattan, in case you haven't noticed (because it's obvious you haven't), are not large enought to hold even a tenth of the number of people that live in the city.

YOU, WITH THE FUCKING BLACKBERRY! QUIT TEXTING AND START WALKING, DOUCHEBAG.

People who whine about how long it's been since I last posted.

Nuff said, Fred. :)